at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
