I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
