I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
