nutella sex= disaster
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
