My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
