Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
