I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
