It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
