stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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