Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
