You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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