I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
