I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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