Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
