ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
