Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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