We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize