My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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