don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
