Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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