Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Green mimosas i think yes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
