sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
