I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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