You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
