omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
