Can i not drive my cunt home
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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