she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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