Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
