i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
