I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He did a backflip because drugs
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