I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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