i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
