Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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