She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
