I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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