Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
