Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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