Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
