I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
