I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
