... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
