I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
