dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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