this beer tastes like vomit already
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
