I just made out with a guy for $7.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
