she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize