we have officially lost it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
