my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
