So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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