And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
