Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
