i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
