you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
