This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
