You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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