Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
