he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize