I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
