I CAN MOONWALK!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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