Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
