textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
