Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
