The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
